well, things have changed. while my first month was pretty smooth, around the sixth week i started to feel bad. the anxiety was intense, i didn’t enjoy any moment, and overall my mood was quite low.

i talked to my doctor, and she said it might be time to increase the dose, since 5mg isn’t considered therapeutic. so i was bumped up to 10mg of lexapro.

the doctor mentioned that i wouldn’t have the same side effects and they wouldn’t be as strong, but it seems my body had other ideas. i feel like i’m experiencing everything the same way, just faster than before. i’m sleepy most of the time, my mood swings a lot, and sometimes i have intense anxiety.

nothing brought me joy and everything felt so gray. i could function, but i definitely didn’t feel well. again, i started thinking that maybe nothing is working.

it’s really sad that just a few weeks ago i felt SO GOOD, like i could achieve anything, and now i feel pretty low.

i really hope this won’t last long and that i’ll feel better soon.

at the same time, i’m reading a book called “how i stayed alive when my brain was trying to kill me”. there’s an interesting thought: you are alive despite your brain trying to kill you. you are a real warrior.

love this idea.