once messengers became popular and everyone had an iphone, i noticed something: i wasn’t calling anyone anymore. at first, that seemed totally fine—why call when you can just text, send a voice note, or shoot a quick meme?
but over time, something shifted. i realized it wasn’t just that i preferred texting. it was that i physically couldn’t make a phone call anymore—not easily, anyway. my chest would tighten. i’d pace around the room. i’d put off calling my dentist or ordering food, sometimes for days. the idea of talking to a stranger, when i couldn’t see their face, became genuinely overwhelming.
and honestly? i still struggle with it.
so, what is phone anxiety?
phone anxiety is a form of social anxiety that’s specific to making or receiving phone calls. it’s not just about being introverted or disliking small talk. for many people, it triggers very real symptoms: rapid heartbeat, sweaty palms, rehearsing what to say a hundred times, or even full-on panic.
it’s not about laziness or being antisocial—it’s about feeling vulnerable in a weird communication limbo. you’re talking to someone, but you can’t read their facial expressions or body language. there’s more room for awkward pauses. more chances you’ll misread a tone. and you can’t just hit “backspace” like in a text.
why does phone anxiety happen?
some of the reasons people experience phone anxiety include:
- lack of visual feedback: we rely on facial cues when talking. on the phone, those are gone.
- fear of judgment or saying the wrong thing: especially if you’re talking to someone you don’t know well.
- being caught off guard: unexpected calls can feel intrusive or disorienting.
- perfectionism: wanting to say everything “just right” can make you freeze.
- negative past experiences: one bad phone call (like getting yelled at by a boss or telemarketer) can leave a mark.
plus, for many of us who grew up in the texting era, calling just isn’t the default anymore. it feels unfamiliar. and the more we avoid it, the harder it gets.
okay, so how do you get over it?
here’s what’s been helpful—for me and for others dealing with the same thing:
- start small
don’t begin with a call to your insurance company. call a friend or someone you’re comfortable with. or even better: leave a voice note. it’s a good halfway point between texting and a live call. - prepare a script
jot down what you want to say—especially for practical calls like appointments or customer service. it takes some pressure off your brain and helps you stay focused. - practice with safe people
let a friend or partner know you’re trying to work through phone anxiety. ask if you can practice with them. even just calling to say “hi” for 2 minutes can help retrain your brain to see phone calls as normal, not terrifying. - set a time limit
sometimes it helps to go into a call knowing it’ll be short. “hey, i’ve got just a couple minutes, but i wanted to…” is a totally legit way to start a convo and take back some control. - use video calls as a bridge
if possible, try facetime or zoom with people you trust. seeing faces helps ease the disconnect and can slowly reduce the anxiety you feel when switching back to voice-only calls. - challenge the catastrophic thoughts
you’re not going to die if someone puts you on hold. you’re not going to be laughed at if you stutter. remind yourself: “i can hang up if i need to. this isn’t life or death. it’s just a phone call.” - reward yourself
yes, seriously. every time you make a call, treat yourself like you just completed a workout or cleaned the whole kitchen. your brain needs to associate phone calls with something positive.
one last thing
you’re not weird for feeling this way. you’re not broken. and you’re definitely not alone. phone anxiety is way more common than most people admit—especially in a world where most of our communication happens with thumbs, not voices.
it’s okay to hate phone calls. but if it’s starting to get in the way of your life or goals, you can work through it, one call at a time.
if i can do it, honestly, you probably can too.
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