ok, i got out of CVS with my first monthly supply of lexapro and an instruction to take 1 tablet a day (5 mg) every morning by mouth for 30 days. after that, i’ll discuss with my physician whether i need to increase the dose or not. i feel pretty weird and scared since i’ve never taken any meds for my mental health before. but my therapist and physician both think it will help with my anxiety and constant suicidal thoughts. i have no other choice but to trust them and give it a try.

the next morning is the day i should start. the first thing i notice is that the tablet is extremely small. like, very, very small. ok, it should be easy to swallow. so i do it. and after an hour or so, i feel… high? it’s weird because i’ve never smoked weed during the day, but here i am, feeling high because of mental health meds. wow! am i supposed to always feel this way?

after a few hours of feeling high, i start to feel sleepy (around 2 p.m.). at about 8 p.m., i felt some nausea for a few minutes, but it went away quickly. and that’s pretty much it for the first day.

the next day i didn’t feel high at all. just tired. but again, it wasn’t like i was tired all the time, no. it came in waves — i’d feel extremely tired, then energized, then tired again, and so on. what i started to notice is that my mind became clearer. i still had the same thoughts, but they were a little less loud. pretty interesting feeling!

the next few days i felt kind of the same — i had brain fog. my mind wasn’t very clear. still, i feel pretty optimistic.

by the end of the first week i had a pretty bad morning — i had a panic attack as soon as i woke up, which almost never happened before. for no reason. but after some breathing exercises and a talk with my wife, i was able to calm down.

while researching lexapro, i found a few youtube channels. one of them was really good, but the last video was uploaded more than five years ago. the lady talked about her mental health struggles and how she tried to overcome them. it seems she couldn’t. and that’s sad.

as for me, overall i hear fewer and fewer negative vibes in my head. all the buzzy noise is starting to calm down. and i’m starting to feel just good. i still have sad feelings, still have anxiety, but it’s much easier to find a solution and not overthink.

i like the effect so far. i’m a little sleepy, but overall i feel good. and i like it.